• I miss you.

    by  • July 19, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Children, Those Gone Before Us • 0 Comments

    Dear Caleb,

    It looks like it’s going to rain today. If I close my eyes and breathe deep, the air almost smells the same as it did on that spring day eight years ago; back when I was young and foolish enough to think that my life could amount to something I could be content with. I was mostly happy, you know. Maybe I wasn’t happy with everything in my life, but I had you, and that made my incredibly imperfect life worth living. You made me feel like I was finally going to do something important, like there would be a reason for me to get out of bed each day. And I want you to know that there isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t miss you and think about you and wish you were here with me.

    I know now that what happened was ultimately for the best, I don’t like it, but I know it to be true. You were unexpected and unplanned, but loved and wanted, and I wish you could’ve stayed. I wish I could’ve given you the life and love of a family that you deserved. But I can only imagine what your life would’ve been like with things in my life the way they were, and the way they are up to this point. I wouldn’t want you to have to be the glue that holds a broken home together, under the guise of doing what’s best for you.

    It breaks my heart that I’ll never get to see you, know you, or hold you, and that you’ll never know the people that would’ve given everything if it would’ve kept your tiny heart beating. I’ll always love you, and I sincerely hope we’ll meet again in another life.

    Love,
    Mommy

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