• Feelings… Letting Go of Guilt

    by  • July 19, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Guilt • 0 Comments

    What you said would happen, really happened. It’s really real. Of course we have feelings for each other. Did you or I ever think otherwise when we envisioned it happening? Not me, and I need to stop feeling guilty, mostly to your girlfriend, about how deeply it affected both of us. You once said you weren’t worried about her, before you even knew who “she” would be, but I worry all the time. I don’t want her to take how this affected us the wrong way.

    This is the reason I avoid ever calling you unless I am trying to get a hold of her, this is the reason I don’t make special trips to just see you, or text you all day long. Of course you don’t do those things either, and if we did I could see her making a big deal.

    It is only through her that I get to see you. I sometimes feel guilty because I am afraid she will think I am using her to be around you. But what is weird, is she is the one that usually makes it happen. She is the one that makes sure we happen to be at the same place at the same time. It is never my idea for those chance encounters, I always let her lead the way.

    Because of this, I think I am scared you two are going to break up because of the talks her and I have had and her worries of you not being the one for her. I cried my eyes out when you two broke up for that 4 days a while back. I had a mixture of feelings when it happened. My first emotion was that of fear… fear of never seeing you again, because she is the one keeping us in each other’s life.

    I don’t want to lose what we found but I fear we are already losing something because of the guilt. I often wonder if I am the only one feeling guilty because I often wondered if this meant we were suppose to be together, yet you were with her and she became my very best friend. It affected us and still does to this day… we both know this. I have a feeling we both questioned the reason and wondered what it all meant. I am glad we resisted temptation and made the choice to do the right thing. I believe you two are both part of my soul family, I love you from the heart and I always will… no matter what!!

    Here’s to friendship and letting go of the guilt. I’m ready!!

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