I read these letters hoping to find one written especially for me.
The days pass and never one is found. Sometimes I think I may have found one but then some detail is given that makes me realize it isn’t yours. Your letter. The one you are supposed to write to me. The one I am waiting for. The one I yearn for. My letter.
I wonder sometimes what was your reason in wanting to be with me.
There are moments when I wish I could go back in time and undo everything. EVERYTHING! It is so hard for me to understand how you could be so callous. You certainly did not appear to be that first day when we met; in fact, you seemed to be such a sweet person. I misread you and for that I will be eternally sorry.
My tears don’t cease. I don’t know how to stop them. I want to forget you but I am failing miserably. I am so tired. I think it would have hurt less if you had carved my heart out of my chest with a blunt spoon. How do I stop my feelings for you? I don’t know how. How do I stop my mind from betraying me by going to you from the very moment my eyes open in the morning? I don’t know how. How do I stop my soul from going in search of you? I don’t know how.
It’s been so long. I’m so tired. I am so sorry. I’m not able to stop loving you. God knows I have tried.