• Alone

    by  • July 19, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Depression • 1 Comment

    I feel so alone. Everyone, with their problems around me, thinking that I have it perfect and despising me for it. But they don’t know anything. Sure, I have a mother and a father who are still together, and enough money that I can comfortable live. But you, you are happy, despite all your complaints. And that’s more than I fear I will ever be.

    At school, I just feel so different than everyone else. My few friends only talk to me when no one else is available, and all I can do is nod along, pretending to care.

    I have a few real friends, but they are pulling away, hanging out with cooler people, not wanting to go to the movie with me, since their other friends might see us there.

    All everyone ever does is tell me about how horrible their life is, and I sympathize and console them. Not once has anyone asked me how I was doing, if I was ok.

    Once, I tried to talk to my mother about it. All she did was cry about how she was so sorry, and didn’t know what to do. The next day my dad came up to me and yelled at me. He told me that I had no business making her upset, that it wasn’t fair for me to burden her with my problems. He told me that I could never talk to them about it, that I had to do it alone.

    Well I don’t know if I can. I don’t know if I can keep everything bottled inside me. And that scares me. Because I don’t know what will happen if I can’t.

    One Response to Alone

    1. xxannadisxx
      July 19, 2011 at 9:30 pm

      I am in an extremely similar situation to that. My “friends” barely talk to me except for when they need something, I’ve never really fit in at school and no one listens to my problems. What happens when you can’t keep everything in? Well for me I started sobbing at random times, losing sleep and harming myself in the process. What you need to do is find a way to release all the thoughts and emotions that are constantly flowing through your body. A diary worked for me the best. Every night before I go to bed I write down my daily thoughts. And don’t be afraid to cry. It helps. Know that you are not alone. I have never met you and never will but I am with you in this situation. Know that there are other people who support you even though you have no idea who they are. If we can keep eachother in our minds, then we can keep going. One day everything will work out for us, but until then you are not alone.

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