• Where is your god?

    by  • July 18, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Betrayal • 0 Comments

    so. this is how this works.

    you are my best friend. there’s the flirting and the obvious attraction. i never thought we would date. i swear. it never crossed my mind…

    then you kissed me. YOU kissed me.

    it went from there. hanging out, the attraction. but you told me you were “difficult” to date. i understood. i’ve come from a background of “bad luck” and pain as well…

    then you word for word ask me to “be your girlfriend.” you know how bad i wanted that. you know how much i cared for you.

    you told me you loved me. i believed you. i never had a reason to doubt you. you are one of the smartest, most sincere caring people i have ever met. and now you loved me. i haven’t been so happy in so long.

    then you wake up and it’s over. it’s not right. you can’t base decisions strictly on “emotion”… i understand your beliefs, i understand all of it. even if you think i don’t. i told you i would respect all of them. BUT YOU ARE NOT JESUS.

    you are human. you refuse to act on emotions because “if god wanted you to be with someone, or do something.. he would give you a clear sign” and you didn’t see that “sign” with me.

    so i accept. and i go on. my heart ACHES because of how i feel about you. but i would rather you be my best friend, as you were, than lose you completely.

    then. we spend a week together…we talk, like we haven’t talked in months. you tell me how every second of the day you miss me. i’m your dreamgirl. you’ve never been happier than you were with me…everything i would want to hear. you made my head spin.

    you slept with me, we cuddled, we whispered. you even teared up and told me you don’t want me with anyone else. i told you, again, i would wait for you, as long as it takes…my heart knows it would be worth it.

    then, you change your mind. again. you know why that is…because you’re scared. you’re scared to just feel. you’re scared to just LET GO for even a moment. you are an amazing person, but your drawbacks and insecurities and fear are going to leave you alone, and miserable. and always questioning yourself.

    you’re a human being. make a mistake or two. but next time, leave me out of it.

    you’ve ruined our friendship, broken my heart, and screwed with my head.

    i don’t think “god” appreciates any of that.

    you know who. </3

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