I love you. There, I said it. You know who you are, yet you wish it wasn’t. I’m sorry.
I stopped telling you that I love you awhile ago, because it hurt when you didn’t say anything back. It hurt when you then ignored me for a few days. It hurt that you said you cared, but it didn’t mean you loved me.
I know it doesn’t change anything, now that I’ve said it again. I know it won’t make you come running back into my arms. I know you can barely stand me. I know I was a little clingy, but I just needed you back. You have no idea what you meant to me.
You were my savior. You convinced me that there really was a God for awhile. You made me believe that miracles could come true. You made me like myself for once. I used to look in the mirror and actually like how I looked. I could stand being me. You did that. Because of you, I woke up each day happy, as I looked forward to seeing you. When I went to bed, I was excited to fall asleep, so I could see you sooner when I woke up. I stopped cutting. You stopped my depression. You saved my life, for had it not been for you, I probably wouldn’t be here right now. I’m thankful. I’m thankful for everything we had, but I wasn’t ready to let you go. I still need you.
You cared about me every time my mother hurt me, but you still didn’t love me. You wanted to help, but you wouldn’t even hold me (That’s what I miss the most. You holding me). What happened? You told me you’d be here forever, even though I knew we were doomed at that point. I told you not to say forever, yet you did, saying that we would make it. Less than two weeks later, you dumped me.
How could you throw away over two years of us? Was it for her? You said it wasn’t, yet you were trying to get with her a week after we broke up. Did I really mean that little? We were supposed to get married. We talked about our future house and future kids. We talked about our future marriage. How could you give up everything that we had? The question I think about most is, what did I do wrong?
I constantly try to fix myself. I can’t stand what I am. I can’t stand each day without you. You were the reason I was happy. My parents never loved me, but you did. My parents constantly degraded me, but you cheered me on. My parents told me I was nothing, yet you proved them wrong.
I felt like anything was possible when I was with you. I got the light, airy feeling in my heart when you were around. I got the butterflies in my stomach. My head felt dizzy. You were like my drug. My drug has run out and I need more. I need YOU. I’m sorry for everything I did, but I need you to take me back. I fixed everything I needed to fix. All that’s left is you.
I need you and love you. I miss everything we had, but I know the truth. You were awful to me. You cheated on me. You lied to me. You broke just about every promise you made. You hid things from me. You liked other girls. You checked out other girls in front of me, not caring that I told you it made me feel insecure.
It’s funny how most of that was because of her. I sort of always knew that you two were meant to be, but I couldn’t accept it. I loved you too much. Through all of that, I loved you. I still do. The good outweighed the bad and it was all worth it. I’ve forgiven you for it all.
I hate her. I hate what she has. I hate that she doesn’t even have to try and you love her. I did everything I could to make you happy. Anything you wanted, I gave to you. If you asked for anything, you got it. I was the best girlfriend you’ll ever get. I put up with all of your bullshit and took the blame for everything. I did everything sexually when you never gave back. Not once. She hasn’t done any of that. All she’s done is broken your heart many, many times. I never did.
How can you stand her? She’s annoying, gossipy, and ugly as hell. You agreed with me on all of that. You complained about her all the time, yet you were talking to her and flirted with her behind my back. She rubbed you in my face. She basically bragged that she had you and I didn’t. I hate how you don’t believe me on that. You know I never lie and that she’s broken your trust, yet you don’t trust ME, even when we were together.
I love you. I love you more than anything in the world and I’d do anything for you. I’d do anything to get you back. We both know you could be happy with me. I want you to be happy and I can do that. You still flirt. I can tell. When you realize you’re flirting, you suddenly stop talking to me. You can’t throw me around like that. You’ve been leading me on since you broke up with me. You’d tell me you miss me, yet yell at me, saying that you’re none of my business anymore. I told you that you can’t throw me around like that, lead me on then crush me, but you don’t understand what you’re doing to me. You said that you miss me and love me. Well, why aren’t you still here with me then? I never understood why we broke up if still wanted me. You’re killing me inside. I can’t stand this.
Please, please come back to me. You’ve everything to me and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make us work. Love is worth it. YOU are worth it.
My love will never fade. Like the tide, it will always be there, should you ever want it. I love you. Always remember that. It will never change.
Love, always and forever,