• If it means a lot to you,

    by  • July 18, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Closure • 0 Comments

    You stole my heart and ran away.

    And it’s not even the fact that I’m angry. I’m not angry anymore. I’ve gotten past the fact that you have self-esteem issues & the fact that you like messing with girl’s heads, and I’ve gotten over the fact that I fell into your trap for so long. I believe, still, that you loved me at one point. There was a time when you realized that you wanted to spend a long time with me. But we were young, stupid, immature, and ignorant. And I can’t even put all of the blame on myself. You told me lies, one after the other. You took away what was supposed to be the best summer of my life. Because of you, I lost my friends, the trust of my family, and I lost myself.

    I lost trust in myself. I used to believe that I was strong and independent, and I would never change for anyone who came into my life. And now, as I’m trying to put the pieces back together, and trying to give my heart to someone else who I think deserves it much more than you do, or did. And I wonder if this had never happened like it did, where we would be. Would one fight have gone wrong and someone would have said something they shouldn’t have and brought our relationship to an end? Or, would we just decide that the distance was much to great to carry on our shoulders and call it quits? Would it have ended mutually? Or would things still be the same, but I wouldn’t have let it go on for so long. Maybe I would have stood up for myself now. Because now I realize how deep I was. I see what had blinded me before.

    And the truth is, it kind of is all my fault. You didn’t want it to be this way, but you allowed yourself to tease me. You let me convince you that everything was fine, and vice-versa.

    Nothing was fine.

    And when it got to the point where we were both so hostile towards eachother, it was too late.

    So where are we left now? It pains me to think about how absent you are now. All there is left is a few bracelets and a school ID. A letter or two. No words are spoken, no closure.

    I guess this is my closure.

    I should have done this a long time ago. Because I’m not mad anymore. Would I take you back if you came to my feet and begged and told me how sorry you were?

    Probably.

    I wonder what all those other girls had that I couldn’t give you. It’s not that they were closer to you than I was. Two hours is the same going to or from. & So I think it was more of a feeling that gave you comfort, knowing that someone wanted you. Maybe it was because your mother was an neglectful alcoholic, or your real father was never there. Or maybe getting “kidnapped” as a kid fucked you up a little. But I can assure you that no one will fall for you as hard as I did.

    It wasn’t the cheating, or the fact that you were far away that brought us apart. It was that we both realized that what we were doing to each other was wrong.

    I don’t forgive you.

    I do not miss you anymore.

    Someone has my heart now, I’m ready to give another piece of it away.

    This is my closure.

    You’re not even a memory anymore.

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