I am a hopeless romantic..
That, my friend, is something that I’ll never really admit to people…but today, I figured admitting it to myself would be a start. Right?
I see people walking down the street, arms entwined, biggest smiles on their faces… and… and I envy them. I see couples eating dinner, having picnics.. and all I can do is watch in awe. Love is everywhere. It’s in the TV we watch. It’s in the newspapers. It’s…on the streets. And it’s in our hearts…unfortunately…or fortunately…I’m not really sure of that one yet. I just…I know that there’s no true love out there for me and yet all I can do is be hopeful…which is dumb, because no one’s gonna love me. I’m complicated. I’m not always going to smile, so don’t expect it of me. I won’t always be happy. And there is a most definish chance that I will put my art before you. And on top of the usual bullshit I’m just not a stable person. I have alot issues, past, present, and things I’ve never told anyone, and things I don’t know if I can even admit to myself. and I’m scarred…my heart is scarred; my skin is bruised…and that’s not pretty. I’m not pretty. So why would someone love me…when I mean, obviously all I do is struggle to love myself…ha…but you’d never know that would you?
But I love…and I yearn for love…but in secret.
You’d never know that I go home and you’re all that I can think about. That I beam at your cute text messages, when you smile at me, when you play fight with me…when you sing to me…
But my past has cursed me for receiving love, and its prevented me from being loved. So I guess, I’ll just go through the motions and hope that one day I’ll meet that one, special, person… that can knock all that doubt and fear from my body…and then this hopeless romantic can finally experience love.