I sometimes wonder how you are.
More often then not, when I fall asleep I picture your scars and wonder if there are any added ones now on your body. Any new ones that I haven’t kissed.
I sometimes wonder if you stare at them and realize that they are empty. Untouched by anyone but yourself. Unlike the others. Unlike the scars that I have kissed and touched and loved.
Sometimes, when I kiss him, I close my eyes and part of me thinks it’s you that I’m kissing. And sometimes, when I’m alone, I cry whispering your name. And sometimes, when I fight with him, I don’t cry because he hurt me, I cry because I remember how you hurt me.
One day, years from now, I’m going to be in Walmart with my wonderful husband. And I will run in to you. You’ll be with your beautiful wife. I’ll be there to buy The Sims 6. And you’ll be there to buy Fear 5. Our eyes will meet for a moment and I’ll smile at you. Then I will go home and lay in bed next to the man I love and think of you. I’ll think of the nights spent kissing and talking and falling more and more in love. I’ll remember all the feelings. And I’ll cry. I’ll lay next to the guy I’m married to and cry over you. And you’ll go home with your wife. And you’ll take a shower and stare at the scars that I kissed and the scars that you created after you left me. And your wife will come in and know your thinking about cutting again. And she will comfort you while you cry.
And we will fall asleep thinking about how much we still love each other.
I love you always.