It’s a funny word, isn’t it? A word so loaded that most people our age try to be any thing but it. I think that was the problem from the beginning. That’s what ruined it.
I never wanted to become attached. I avoided it, because I know that it’s highly unpopular and undesirable. Despite my best efforts, I developed an attachment to you.
I’m assuming, from the way you treated me that night, that you didn’t form the same attachment.
I’ve never seen someone flip flop from one personality to another so quickly. One night you were amazing, making me feel comfortable in ways that I don’t think I’ve ever felt. The next night you were someone I’d never met before. I’ve never been treated so coldly by anyone, let alone someone who had previously made me feel so warm inside that I think I became addicted to you. Every time we were together I forgot that I was insecure about our differences and I could shut out the voices of other people in my head. Voices that told me not to trust you, not to be with you, that you would just hurt me.
They were right. I should have listened to my friends. It turns out they know me better than I know myself. But I thought I knew you, so I ignored the warnings.
I wish I had listened to the voices. You were a mistake. But now I’m listening to my own voice, one that’s telling me to let go. To shut you out of my life.
I’m becoming detached.