It was just a random fleeting moment. One powerful gush of emotion engulfed my very soul. Up to this day I’m still in love with you. You were standing there meekly drying yourself after our group swam in the pool. It was night and I could see you glimmer in the moonlight. I could feel the intensity of my heartbeat pound as you get closer. I could almost feel you in that empty hallway full of overgrown vines dangling from above. Then you stood there beneath an open area. The moonlight shone over your white porcelain skin. You stared at the night sky as if waiting for a falling star. You directed your gaze towards me, smiled and meekly nodded. I was entranced by your smile. Your big black eyes penetrated my very soul and at that very moment I am yours forever. At that moment you were my star. I stood there amazed by the fact that someone could be as beautiful as you. You fascinated me, and to this very day you’ve kept my heart captive.
I’ll never reveal my feelings and I’ll never allow myself to believe that you might feel the same. A rejection from you is enough to make me give up on love forever. The fact that we are both men is enough to send shivers to our parents if we were even to simply hold hands. I’ve always wanted to know how your hand felt. How soft it must be. I could dream all night of holding your hand while I take you to you apartment, but such a thing would only happen in my dream.
If a moment comes that you become aware of my feelings, I want you to hate me rather than see me as a disgusting person. It will hurt anyway but I’d rather know that you still see me as the same person you’ve met and not a disgusting person that you can’t even look at. I know how much you hate people like me, but you’re the very reason why I am me. Why I’ll never look at a woman the same way as I see you every day of school. I hate you. You have no idea how ruined my life is because of you; how much suffering I’ve had to endure every time you smile and laugh with her. But even with that I can’t help but love you. Even from a far. I want to that smile of yours. Maybe just maybe, this delusion will fade.