• I lost my courage.

    by  • July 17, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Yearning for You • 0 Comments

    You are snoring. It’s not like an annoying kind of snore either, in fact, I find it quite cute (just like the space between your two front teeth and the mole on your face). I know you aren’t the best in terms of being chivalrous, so i’ll forgive you for the fact that i’m sleeping on the floor and not on your bed. I’m tempted just crawl in there with you and see what happens, the only problem with that is I lost all my courage. I lost my courage to tell you I really don’t like sleeping on the floor. I lost my courage to tell you that the reason why I drove 3 hours to see you for a weekend is because I still have feelings for you and I missed you so much. I lost my courage to start that conversation, ya know the one where I tell you that I think now would be a good time for us to date. None of that will happen. At least night tonight. I will not crawl in your bed, I will not tell you exactly why I came, and I will not tell you how I feel. I lost my courage and It is truly quite sad.

    Tonight, we both had a few drinks with your friends. They seem really nice by the way, besides the fact that they smoke and drink a lot. I couldn’t help but look at you and just wonder what you were thinking. You had this face on. I’ve seen it before. Like you were thinking about something really important. I secretly hoped you were thinking about me. About us.

    My friend just got engaged. Your friend used to date her. You told me tonight that he might be upset by this news because he always felt like they just didn’t have good timing and they could have made it work. I don’t want that to be us. I don’t want to move on unless I know for sure that we just aren’t going to be. But I’ll never know unless I find my courage.

    I guess I’m kind of hoping that you’ll be my courage. If you asked me why I came, I wouldn’t lie. If you asked me how I felt about you, I wouldn’t lie. I always just want to be honest with you. I just want you to be happy. I love you.

    Well, I guess I should go to bed before you realize I’m still up and wonder what i’m doing. Sweet dreams John.

    -A

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