• I just don’t understand myself

    by  • July 17, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Heartbreak • 5 Comments

    To anyone who will read,

    I feel as if I go through life unnoticed. I constantly keep busy and do my best, hoping someday I’ll be recognized for something. I want to change the world, but I can’t even get a boy to ask me out- how can I do anything spectacular? I’m wasting time looking for love, instead of enjoying life, but I can’t help but feel as if i can’t enjoy myself alone. I just want to be noticed. There are days when I look in the mirror and I feel so ugly. No one will ever want me.

    But I try so hard.

    I try too hard.

    I don’t understand why I can’t be happy.

    I’m such a good person.

    Shouldn’t good people be happy?

    Does anyone, ANYONE, understand how I feel?

    Sometimes, I not only feel lonely, but I feel alone.

    I’m too young to be this broken.

    5 Responses to I just don’t understand myself

    1. Uncool
      July 17, 2011 at 7:09 pm

      Just so you can get a picture of what I feel like also when I type these letters in response to others all the time, I do at a relatively loud Starbucks lol. Most of the time I am like you, keeping to myself and reading peoples letters while studying material for my class every time I am there. I keep to myself and talk to no one so people here have my full attention.

      It has gotten so bad that people have told stories about me and even had people creeping on my responses to others here just so they know a little bit about me. The girls there are so afraid to talk to me like a normal human being, I just laugh at them (they even went so far as to say I’m not even straight :/). Imagine that?

      However you really shouldn’t try to be noticed, not in the forced manner. For instance volunteering gets you (without even trying) associated with those people who may share similar interests. You can work alongside your comfort zone as well as out of it as long as you respect yourself and know that being a good person is not something forced but a natural, innate thing you carry with you.

      It really is up to you what you want to be involved in, the sky is the limit on what you want to be involved in. Conventions, book clubs, concerts, and so on. There are always things to do with people that forces you to interact with others, you just have to find what it is your passion is.

      Also thing to note, looking at the mirror when you feel like this is reflected back at your ten fold. Do something that makes you feel happy and smile back at the mirror or do what I do…remove that damn mirror (cause you know us ugly guys tend to break those mirrors ty 7 yrs bad luck. *_*)

      Any way don’t ever think your unlovable – your too young for that. Based your responses heck I could say with a straight face I like as a person. 🙂

    2. understood.
      July 17, 2011 at 9:07 pm

      i actually can say i know how you feel..my conclusion: i will never meet you but i already know you are a beautiful person! you have potential to achieve anything you want:)..having a boy to do it isn’t necessary…you are meant to be a confident, strong woman…and a guy will come along who will love you more than anything!..you are surrounded by friends who care and love you..you are noticed and valued…keep your dignity, and you deserve a good guy, never settle for less..be patient and he will come!..embrace what life has to offer now, live, love, grow, find your own identity:)

    3. Emma
      July 17, 2011 at 9:13 pm

      It’s as if you are actually me. Everything you said I say to myself. You are not alone, I know exactly how you feel. I try too hard to make people and myself happy but I feel miserable all the time. And I know I am too young to feel so bad, only 13, but I just can’t help it, I try hard to be happy, I really do, but nothing works.

    4. Silmera
      July 17, 2011 at 10:32 pm


      Time and Patience.

      I know what you’re going through. I’ve been there myself. For an extended period of time, actually. It wasn’t only until recently that I wasn’t alone any more.

      But to be honest, I was never really alone to start.

      Friends. Family. Friends who are family. They are all there for you. Do not be afraid to talk to them. You might think that it’s a burden to put these emotions on then, but it’s far worse when you bottle it in.

      So take your time. Find something else to concentrate on. Be it School, Work, or exercising. Find something that you can commit to, and just let time run it’s course.

      You’ll get to the happy part eventually, but don’t give up on it.

    5. Banana
      July 18, 2011 at 12:47 am

      hey you sound like my friend karen and I believe you are beautiful everyone has their beauty in their own way.. Keep your head up !

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