Damn, these notes used to be so much easier to write. Back when the infatuation was new, the words just seem to flow so naturally from my heart to the pen to the page. Like aged honey, I can feel the words now stopped in my throat, words sweet to the taste I feel I can no longer voice with the ease I once had. The thought of actually being with you seemed like such an impossibility back then. I thought you were so far out of my league that I had nothing to lose, and now that the possibility exists, I’m terrified of losing it simply by choosing the wrongs words to say. We’re not even really together in the way I’d like, separated by physical distance and circumstance, and the ambiguity of your intentions. So I’ve been holding on to the possibility alone, holding on for dear life to the hope that once, just once, I will say exactly the right thing.
I want to be with you. I want to hold you in my arms and I want to feel your touch, to feel your hand in mine. I want to see you smile, and to be the cause of it. I want to kiss you as many times as you’d let me, passionately, seeking to reclaim the memory of the most wonderful lips I’ve ever known (though admittedly I’ve not known many others). I want to stare into your eyes, and drown in those crystal blue springs forever. I want to sing to you the songs I’ve written, songs you’ve inspired simply by being you…wonderful, amazing you.
I want to walk with you…anywhere. I want to hold your hand and share your world, as you once said I could. I want to earn the right to your heart, as you have earned the right to mine. I want our friendship to continue to grow throughout the years, to age like honey, sweet to the taste, binding us together.
But most of all, I want to know what you want. Your answer, whatever it might be, will undoubtedly change my life forever. So until then, I will hold on to the hope…to the possibility that I might one day fall in love with you, and you with me.
Until then, may green grass find you always.