• Will I marry you?

    by  • July 16, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Confusion • 2 Comments

    You are my everything.
    and at one point I was yours.

    You’d cup your hand in mine and we’d go on walks and you’d tell me how our life would get better.


    you barely cup my hand, kiss me….

    you said porn didn’t turn you on anymore..
    i did


    all you do is look up other girls because i’m not good emough

    you asked me to marry you

    and i gave no reply it was too soon

    months later

    i asked you

    we are engaged?
    You won’t tell your mother..
    or father…

    it’s as if…..

    it’s not a big deal

    i love you
    but i used to find myself picturing our future
    our wedding us

    and now

    i can’t picture anything…
    i can’t stand looking at you..
    but i can’t let go

    you have nowhere
    i have nowhere
    i just want to feel like we used to
    that spark
    that passion
    the way you’d hold me
    kiss me

    love me

    now all i get is…sex
    meaningless sex
    you get yours and we’re done…

    and i can’t ever talk to you because it’s drama..

    i’m at a loss

    2 Responses to Will I marry you?

    1. Stephanie
      July 16, 2011 at 11:19 am

      Just sex.
      Its not enough. It wont ever be enough.
      You need someone to make love.
      get out.
      before you’re stuck.

    2. ashly
      July 16, 2011 at 12:42 pm

      don’t do it, Stephanie is right, it will never be enough.
      I hate saying “I know how you feel” but I kinda do. I was in the same position, engaged to a man when all that mattered between us was sex in the end. I understand not wanting to let go. You think back to when everything was perfect, when you felt his love for you and you felt completed, but times change, and you cant hang on to the past.
      I know how frightening it can be, letting go of someone you revolved your universe around. You want to stay because it feels safe, it feels predictable and it feels secure, but it’s not. In reality it’s just the skeleton of how things used to be, and it’s being held together by a slender thread, and that thread is you, that thread is you choosing to stay. Break the thread.
      It is scary. It’s scary not knowing what’s going to happen, it’s scary to think that you will have to face the world on your own and start anew. But I can tell you right now, it is so so very worth it.
      You have to find faith in yourself. Be okay with just being you. It’s a hard journey, but in the end it will bring you the happiness you deserve.

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