• I Need Your Shoulder to Cry On

    by  • July 16, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Resentment • 0 Comments

    I really don’t know if you feel that there’s a problem, but I’m feeling incredibly betrayed by you.

    Every time that you have had a major problem in your life, I have always been there for you, whether it was when your dad was dying, when your mom threw you out of the house, or when some boy broke your heart. I have dropped whatever I was doing at the moment to come over and see you, comfort you, and tell you everything is going to be alright.

    A few weeks ago, I told you I was gay. I told you before any other person on this planet. What does that say about how I value our friendship? I’ve struggled with this for six years and I finally shared it with you. And we haven’t talked about it since. All I want to do is talk about it. I want to unload these feelings that I’ve kept hidden deep within for many years. I want to tell you about how I like guys and I’m a guy. I want to share with you how I fear my brother will beat me up, my father will kick me out of the house, and my mother will never speak to me again when I tell them I’m gay. I want you to know that I almost committed suicide because I’m gay.

    This isn’t “Oh, just to let you know, I’m gay.”

    It’s “I’m gay and I’m scared as hell.”

    This is my problem. This is my deep, dark secret. When I told you, you just brushed it off like it didn’t mean anything. I need your support right now and I don’t know if you’re purposefully not giving any or you just don’t realize how much I need it. I know I’m not your best friend anymore, but I thought I was at least a friend.

    Whenever I feel the need to talk, you always have an excuse. I’ve tried to be patient, but I can’t help but remember all the times I flew to your side to be the shoulder to cry on. Right now, I need a shoulder to cry on. And it pains me that I didn’t see this before. All you do is tell other people about how bad your life is, but you never take the time to listen to others when they need an ear. I don’t know if this is because you’re too selfish to realize that some people’s problems are just as bad as yours or you’re too egocentric to realize that the world doesn’t revolve around you.

    All I need is a friend. I need you to tell me that everything’s going to be alright. Tell me that you accept me for who I am because right now they just seem like words. You didn’t mean it when you told me it’s okay that I’m gay. But don’t just say those words if you don’t believe them, too. Don’t lie to me. Because then I’ll see who you truly are. I’m already starting to see who you really are. And it’s not as compassionate as I thought.

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