• What Am I Doing Wrong?

    by  • July 15, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Heartbreak • 3 Comments

    Dear Ryan,

    We started dating a year and a half ago. The beginning to the middle was great. You were totally into me, as I was you. We started out spending 1 then 2, then 3, fast forward 6 days a week together. Then I begin to get too needy, or maybe you just stopped doing the things that attracted me to you in the first place. We used wrap ourselves up in eachother tickle fighting and laughing the night away. I remember on our first date we stayed up all night running around like goons and having laughs to last a life time.

    Now, we downsized to 3 days a week to see if creating space would bring us closer together. Finding our own selves again so when we come back together we would appreciate it fully. I have one problem I cannot seem to get past though.

    At night I am not allowed to touch you. We go to bed like strangers (on our 3 nights we spend together) and at some point in the night I reach my hand over to touch you, just rest a hand on your arm, and I hear a loud “UGHHH!” escape your lips. You used to crave to be near me in the night, curl into me and fall asleep easily. Now, you need your own space 100% to the point that if I reach out to lay a finger on you you tell me no. When I asked you about this and if you could try harder, you said this is who you are and during the night hours this is not going to change. May I ask, where is the spontaneity in this?

    Who in their right mind wants to sleep next to their partner while forbidden to lay a hand on them? I am so sorry, but I cannot get past this. I understand you need your sleep, and by all means have it. But the fact that you won’t let me or WANT me near you in these hours whatsoever is heartbreaking to me. What changed? You say you get hot, but for 6 months straight the temperature never stopped you from coming to me. You say that in the beginning you were so starved for human contact that that is what you wanted, and now a year later that this is who you really are, and you tell me to accept this. The fact that this is a written down law, no touching at night, kills the buzz of love for me. Someone out there, am I crazy or is this reasonable? I’m not asking for a full on cling in the middle of the night, but when I reach out my hand its turned away.. all the time. Thoughts?

    3 Responses to What Am I Doing Wrong?

    1. Scarlett
      July 15, 2011 at 4:52 am

      I want to give you my thoughts, you may not like them. I sense that the issues between you two are more than this one little thing, and I sense a general unhappiness in the relationship and a longing for the way things were. When people become comfortable in a relationship, they start to take each other for granted, and I feel like this is what Ryan is doing with you. Creating space can be good, but sometimes it takes more than that for someone to realize what they are taking for granted. I’ve known relationships where the threat of leaving has rekindled what they once had, and if it doesn’t, maybe this relationship is wrong for you anyway. To feel under appreciated and like he no longer cares for you like he once has can be heart-breaking. Another thought, and I’m just throwing it out there is that, sometimes when a person is cheating on another, it becomes hard for them to be intimate with the person they are cheating on. And depending on who’s idea it was to take more time off from each other, I’m guessing from the clingy comment that it was his, that may be even more evidence to back up my thought. You don’t have to follow my advice, and sometimes it can take as little as a really good talk to rekindle things, maybe the two of you just need to break out of your box and try new experiences together. Whatever happens, though, I hope you find happiness. Much love. 🙂

    2. Meredith
      July 15, 2011 at 8:54 am

      My thought is that you ahould ask yourself if you really want to be with someone who drives you to this level of frustration and is unwilling to compromise. Just as he has asserted his right to be who he is, you totally deserve to assert yours. And you are someone who wants to hold hands with their partner while they fall alseep. Your needs are valid too.

    3. A
      July 15, 2011 at 11:42 pm

      Ball is in his court. THIS is the person I wanted to sleep next to, THIS is why I kept coming back, THIS is why I am here. If THIS was just a bait and switch, tell me now so I can find THIS elsewhere…

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