• i’m listening. i just wanna listen make it better.

    by  • July 15, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Help • 1 Comment

    My way is obviously not the right way to you. Everyone else tells me it is right but i made a commitment to do what I needed to do. I can’t take seeing those tears as I go. It has to make u think of wanting to help me help him help us find a way to make something right. U know I need advice n am the way I am because I have failed already simply by this. I will never stop trying to at least help him so he don’t end up like us. I’ve read, asked, went from one extreme to another trying to find what works to get my friend who I trusted and listen to even if u don’t think I do. I take it all in and try n try. Years I followed ur lead knowing you was smart and i was not as confident in myself from watching you be so good at it all. My friend wouldn’t have left it at this so fast knowing how much I cared and how much I wanted and did anything u wanted to keep a smile on you . It was the least I could do after what u went though with barely sheding a tear the first year. So strong inside for your cover of pain. I never wish on u hurt. I never wish u feeling the cold of sleet on way to work feeling better about myself for doing what was right to make comfort for you.

    I just want u to know that proud feeling knowing u can help me. I can say a million things but nine have helped.
    This is what I’m left to ask. I need help. U can help this by just helping so little. Can this be a good start?

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    One Response to i’m listening. i just wanna listen make it better.

    1. beara
      July 15, 2011 at 4:31 am

      and today of all days :/
      you meet me at my lowest and took me to my highest and proudest. now im at my lowest and keeping my head up to not let the lil one think im down.
      i just need help. and i need what it is that im doing wrong or what you ALL think i need to do. i wll do it or make my damn best effort.
      but i wont let anyone stand in the way of my dreams and this is my dream.
      i kills me seeing you with a smile and knowing thta i couldnt do it with all the sleepless nights and peronsal things we shared and times apart we spent out of love to make you know that i was in it to win it.
      i have so much to say to you . so many notes and so many things that have went past my head about us and i cant talk to you or find the way to make you feel that i think you can help me if you tried to help me and not from a distance and with one sentence txt. i want to be happy and i obiviously have no idea how cause my happyness has been you and him since day one. and thats all its ever been.
      i did everything i could to keep you happy and here and forgive you for anything possible. and i would have never mentioned it again. cause i trust you. but i dont need trust now i need my friend and then trust will build. but im sure its not in your card to do so as you have told me so many times.
      i will just have to keep finding comfort in my time with our life long bond we created. im sorry and i dont know wtf is the next step with silence from all.




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