I’m haunted by the thought of you. Everyday I wake up to a stinging pain of memories we had together. Throughout each day, no matter how busy I keep myself, words and things that were said that awful night keep coming back. I hate that it’s over. You were the best thing that had ever entered my life. Our ending came out of nowhere. …at least out of nowhere for me. I felt so scammed because I felt as if everything was just fine, and beneath your smile there was so much more that I couldn’t see. I want to blame myself for a lot of it; I should have asked more questions. I should have pulled back a little to see the big picture. I shouldn’t have pushed certain things. I was rigid, and stubborn at times, and don’t think I always gave you everything you needed. I see things so differently now.
A lot of it was fear — fear of I don’t even know what exactly. But after everything is stripped down and the rug is pulled out from under you, that fear goes away. And things look a lot different.
Regardless of how much I beat myself up about it all — my love for you was always unconditional, and I walked away knowing that you knew that. I don’t want to hate you; I still just want to love you.
If this hadn’t happened, my perspective never would have changed — I would never know what I know now. So, in a way, I guess this needed to happen. But you are the person who could benefit from me seeing things differently the most, and you’re the one who is not around. I would give anything to see you/be loved by you/be given a second chance.
Life was just sweeter with you in it.