• Haunted

    by  • July 15, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Miss You • 2 Comments

    I’m haunted by the thought of you. Everyday I wake up to a stinging pain of memories we had together. Throughout each day, no matter how busy I keep myself, words and things that were said that awful night keep coming back. I hate that it’s over. You were the best thing that had ever entered my life. Our ending came out of nowhere. …at least out of nowhere for me. I felt so scammed because I felt as if everything was just fine, and beneath your smile there was so much more that I couldn’t see. I want to blame myself for a lot of it; I should have asked more questions. I should have pulled back a little to see the big picture. I shouldn’t have pushed certain things. I was rigid, and stubborn at times, and don’t think I always gave you everything you needed. I see things so differently now.

    A lot of it was fear — fear of I don’t even know what exactly. But after everything is stripped down and the rug is pulled out from under you, that fear goes away. And things look a lot different.

    Regardless of how much I beat myself up about it all — my love for you was always unconditional, and I walked away knowing that you knew that. I don’t want to hate you; I still just want to love you.

    If this hadn’t happened, my perspective never would have changed — I would never know what I know now. So, in a way, I guess this needed to happen. But you are the person who could benefit from me seeing things differently the most, and you’re the one who is not around. I would give anything to see you/be loved by you/be given a second chance.

    Life was just sweeter with you in it.

    2 Responses to Haunted

    1. Poppy M.
      July 15, 2011 at 2:10 pm


    2. Uncool
      July 15, 2011 at 3:52 pm

      Ironically this is named after a Late Night Alumni song but I digress, when we lose something so dear especially abruptly we always question what we had done. Could he have been more attentive, a better listener, and more questioning about our significant other. However reason tells me that’s its my fault for causing someone I love to move away, I don’t listen to reason in this case.

      It just puts the blame onto yourself for something you may have not even done at all and had this person had the courage to come to you for what bothered him/her in the first place, this could have been avoided entirely.

      Slowly but surely we have to ween off of being plagued by such thoughts of prolonged yearned for someone existing or not, because for me it took me many years to get over lost love. I hope the same doesn’t befall you.

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