• What Happened To Us?

    by  • July 14, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Goodbye • 0 Comments

    We used to be best friends. We used to be more than that because you were the one person i thought i could trust with my whole heart, the person I was myself with, the person I knew if I truly needed to I could run to. I never thought we’d get to the point we’re at now. We’re not talking. We’re not even subtly keeping up with each other through facebook because you deleted yours. I never thought when someone asked me if I knew you, my answer would be “I used to…” Why did it have to get this bad? Why, when the first time I had seen you in two months did I act like a child, start shaking, and eventually end up crying to myself later? The sad thing about all of this is that I miss you, i still care deeply about you, I still love you. Not deep passionate lover’s love, but the innocent love between friends that we once had, not that long ago in the grand scheme of life. I keep thinking to myself is that I shouldn’t still feel the way I do. You hurt me. You hurt me more than i thought you could, more than you thought you probably did. And yet here I am, still thinking about you, hearing about you through people, and just hoping that you’re happy. Because as long as you’re happy, then I can be okay. Not equally happy because I still have to deal with some things, but okay with the fact that you’re finding what you needed to find and coming to terms with whatever you needed to figure out. I don’t know where we’re going to end up, I don’t know if we will ever talk again. Because as much as I want to, I don’t know if you do and I don’t know if I can. Maybe you were right, we can’t be friends because of what we did, because of how confusing things got, because we didn’t handle it well. We’re just kids after all. One day, maybe, we can grow up and rekindle some form of friendship. It may be sooner than I think, or it may never happen. I guess time will tell. But for now, Im going to say goodbye, the goodbye I never really said because I didn’t think things would get this bad. All this to say: I still love you, care about you, will do anything for you if it came down to it, and hope one day we’ll be okay again. Goodbye darling, I wouldn’t trade any of it…

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