Like you said, it’s a really shitty situation.
We met 6 months ago. We’ve been dating since then. We both knew I was leaving, but we thought, what the hell, a casual fling sounds fun. But it got less casual. We have real feelings for each other, have invested too much to let it go just like that. We’re intermingled in each other’s social, family and professional lives now, too much for a simple “it’s been fun, see ya later.” We decided to stay together for the year I’ll be in graduate school far, far away from here and for a few days, I felt happy, calm and content about that decision. But now I’m scared.
I’m scared that we won’t be able to make it work; we are both pretty bad communicators when we are apart. I’m scared that forcing the relationship across distance is going to permanently damage it. I’m scared that maybe breaking up now and trying again when I move home is a smarter option.
I’m scared I’ll want to stay there, and I’m scared that I’ll make decisions about my future based on you…exactly what I didn’t want. A year ago, I ended my last relationship with the goal to be more selfish, to look out for me instead of everybody else, make things happen in my life that I really want and to achieve my goals. I’m scared that I’ve lapsed back into second fiddle, putting your needs above mine.
You’re so different than anyone I’ve ever met. Your charisma and positivity are infectious and I am a happier person with you. No, you’re not the hottest guy ever but who you are is so attractive to me. Your family is so wonderful, they accept me and give me the sense of belonging my own family can’t provide.
What if there is someone better suited for each of us though? What if we are desperately clinging to each other when it really isn’t going to work? I don’t want to ruin my year away plagued by sadness, fights, bitter text messages and longing. I want to have fun and be happy and have the best experience possible, but I don’t want to lose you either. The thought of you with another girl breaks my heart and makes me sick.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if there is a right answer here.