I am just going to come right out and say it. I am a liar, a deceiver, a manipulator. Sometimes I feel like I haven’t lived a single honest day in my life. Ever since I was little, lies have come out of my mouth. When I was younger, they were just simple little stories, things to get me attention. I craved any kind of attention, because I felt invisible in my own world, and was trying desperately to exist. But as I got older, the lies became more complex. I actively tried to manipulate people. No physical damage has ever come to someone through these methods, but many people have been hurt. There are many people in this world that don’t like me, and probably for good reason.
Over the years, I have tried to live a more honest life. But even today, I feel like I am holding secrets deep down, that I don’t tell anyone. I feel like I have burdens that I have never let go of. I am still living a lie.
• I am sorry that I made up stories about my family to you, I just wanted to be cool in your eyes.
(To my neighbor)
• I am sorry that I made up stories of assault, I was young and didn’t know how to express what was really happening to me. I am sorry to everyone that got involved.
(To my parents, my former best friend and other friend)
• I am sorry that I led you on, I should have been honest with you from the beginning. I was young and foolish, and I am glad you found happiness, even at the expense of our friendship.
(To a former friend)
• I am sorry that I cheated on you, I am sorry that I made up lies about you to him. I was young, upset and vengeful. I feel like I paid the price for this later, but I was wrong and I am sorry.
(To two ex boyfriends)
• I am sorry I keep so many things from you, best friend. You deserve the truth, even if it would distance us, even if it means we could no longer be considered “best friends”.
(To my current best friend)
This is just a small list of the apologies deserved in the world. I promise that I will try as hard as I can from now on to live a more honest life.