• Alone.

    by  • July 14, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Depression • 6 Comments

    To whom it may concern:

    I feel so empty, so worthless. I’ve been depressed for as long as I can remember. I’m 17. No 17 year old should contemplate ending their life when you have the world at your fingertips. There just comes a point when you’re sick of being verbally abused. Personally I would rather be punched dead center of the face every morning I wake up than to be verbally attacked and broke down. On the outside looking in I have it all. I have it all except my happiness, my sanity, stablility and most of all my state of mind. I feel so captive, so controlled. I am not a bad child, never have been. I am responsible, i don’t even live the “teenage life” i’m excepted into a University and all that good stuff. I got yelled at when i got my acceptance letter because it requires me moving out. Never got a “i’m proud of you”. I don’t have friends, because i don’t want people coming here, and I’m not allowed to go anywhere, and when I do I get accused of “meeting guys”. I have a secret for you, I’m 17 and never had a real boyfriend. I never do anything i’m not suppose to do, but i get accused of such things. There’s no use of fighting back or saying what i feel, or saying whats going on in my life because i’ll get in trouble. Yes, i get in trouble for saying how I feel. In my lonely, depressed life I do/did have a bit of hope. My cousin and new wife mean the absolute world to me, my cousin whom i’ve grown up with is my best friend. They are now pregnant with a child that i am proud to say i am the godparent of. I can’t explain the amount i love them, they are the only joy in my life. But now, I am not allowed to talk to them. My parents took them away from me, i’m not allowed to see/talk or text either of them. They are everything and all i know in my life, and now that is stripped from me. That was my life, everything i had and everything i always looked forward to. I feel so empty. I long to hear their voices for the comfort they’ve always brought me. I’ll miss the pregnacy, i’ll miss it all.. No body deserves this kind of life i live. I’ve always tried so hard to believe that everything happens for a reason, but right now i can’t believe in anything. I have nothing.

    6 Responses to Alone.

    1. kelsie
      July 14, 2011 at 11:34 pm

      Just leave.
      Leave and never look back, darling.

    2. Uncool
      July 15, 2011 at 2:28 am

      If and when you move out, it will definitely help to create an ego. When you remove yourself from such a negative influences and by yourself and faced with all sorts of adversity, it forces you to come back with something concrete and in some way creates a persona that helps you cope with such things.

      That level of soul searching is hard because it can be mentally draining, speaking from experience, and very few people come out knowing who they truly are – what is known as self-actualization. But if you try real hard, focus on a passion you may have and divert all your energy and time onto that one purpose, the sky is the limit on what you can accomplish.

      You are truly never alone in this, people have fought for their freedom their entire lives and won it back and have surrounded themselves with positive people. So can you. 🙂

    3. ashleigh
      July 15, 2011 at 5:42 pm

      This was my letter i posted, i thank you for your help.. would anyof you two mind emailing me? (Contact admin@lettersillneversend.com for email)

    4. Rick C
      July 15, 2011 at 5:45 pm

      Hi, I feel that I have something in common with you. I feel unwanted and worthless, I have no friends and at times I even feel I shouldn’t be here on earth. I graduated from high school with A’s but was never told that my parents were proud of me. I left home and never looked back. It has been hard for me and no one ever told me that they loved me, cared for me. I am in such an emotional wreck and don’t know any good way out. I don’t have anyone to talk either about myself, but there must be hope. Perhaps we are meant to pass through fire and come out whole. Stay in touch and remember we must live.

    5. Uncool
      July 16, 2011 at 4:45 am

      I’ll always be around here ashleigh so don’t worry about that. But if you really need to talk to someone contact me on FB – same username.

    6. ashleigh
      July 16, 2011 at 8:02 am

      Thank you.. it’s hard, so hard. I feel so worthless.

    Leave a Reply