To whom it may concern:
I feel so empty, so worthless. I’ve been depressed for as long as I can remember. I’m 17. No 17 year old should contemplate ending their life when you have the world at your fingertips. There just comes a point when you’re sick of being verbally abused. Personally I would rather be punched dead center of the face every morning I wake up than to be verbally attacked and broke down. On the outside looking in I have it all. I have it all except my happiness, my sanity, stablility and most of all my state of mind. I feel so captive, so controlled. I am not a bad child, never have been. I am responsible, i don’t even live the “teenage life” i’m excepted into a University and all that good stuff. I got yelled at when i got my acceptance letter because it requires me moving out. Never got a “i’m proud of you”. I don’t have friends, because i don’t want people coming here, and I’m not allowed to go anywhere, and when I do I get accused of “meeting guys”. I have a secret for you, I’m 17 and never had a real boyfriend. I never do anything i’m not suppose to do, but i get accused of such things. There’s no use of fighting back or saying what i feel, or saying whats going on in my life because i’ll get in trouble. Yes, i get in trouble for saying how I feel. In my lonely, depressed life I do/did have a bit of hope. My cousin and new wife mean the absolute world to me, my cousin whom i’ve grown up with is my best friend. They are now pregnant with a child that i am proud to say i am the godparent of. I can’t explain the amount i love them, they are the only joy in my life. But now, I am not allowed to talk to them. My parents took them away from me, i’m not allowed to see/talk or text either of them. They are everything and all i know in my life, and now that is stripped from me. That was my life, everything i had and everything i always looked forward to. I feel so empty. I long to hear their voices for the comfort they’ve always brought me. I’ll miss the pregnacy, i’ll miss it all.. No body deserves this kind of life i live. I’ve always tried so hard to believe that everything happens for a reason, but right now i can’t believe in anything. I have nothing.