• What is it?

    by  • July 13, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Soulmate • 1 Comment

    I don’t know what it is about you,

    That makes me catch my breathe every time you look at me
    The nerves that make me shake
    I am so used to feeling you there, by my side.
    I have taken you for granted for so many years.

    Being near your body gives mine this magnetic pull towards you.
    What it is about you?

    I’ve been in love. I’ve been hurt from it, and I’ve felt like floating on a cloud from it.
    I’ve been there. I’ve felt crazy feelings before. And I’ve had my share of “crushes” – but this, this is no childish crush. You have always been in the back of my mind, reminding me that my life is worth living. That you would be devastated if anything happened to me.

    I have been through so much in my life. I have been attacked, abused, and lost. Your strength has kept me together. You always check up on me. You were always there. No matter what happened, no matter how closed off I was to the world.

    I’m sorry. I cry every single time I think about what I did to you. What I did to us.

    I never fall for anyone like this. I’m so guarded. Too guarded. With SO many expectations because I learned that’s what will protect me. You loved me for SO long, and I rejected every moment of it. I was afraid. Terrified in fact.

    What if you didn’t really love me? What if it was all in my head? What if we are not meant to be together?
    What if we are?

    I don’t know what it is about you
    But I can’t find a flaw.
    Because even your flaws to others, the ones that I make fun of constantly, just make you an even more beautiful person to me. You have everything I wish I could have. You are such a REAL person. You have passion in your soul. So gentle and so powerful at the same time. Your life is stunning. You make me want to be a better person. You are truly a man in every sense of the word. You are exactly the kind of person I want in my life.
    Is this what it is about you?
    Is it that you motivate me to change? To become the person I always wanted to be, but never had the courage to become? I am ashamed of how I live my life. You make me think of all the things I could be. The person I was supposed to become, if fate hadn’t torn us apart. What we could have.

    Is that what it is that makes me want to knock down every wall I’ve created? I’ll risk it all and never think twice. I have flashbacks of our time together. The memories are dreamlike yet frightening. Almost simultaneously I wonder if we were just a dream I had, or if I made a huge mistake.

    Because here comes reality. You have someone else.
    Although whenever we are together (innocently of course) you can’t deny what we both know we feel. I don’t need to ask if you feel the same because I already know you do.
    And out of whatever reason, if you feel she is what you want in your life, then so be it. I can respect that.
    But please be honest with yourself, don’t deny the truth.

    Give me a chance to understand you, to know more than just a “surface level”. Don’t be scared to lose the comfort and go out on this crazy limb with me. If you feel like I won’t understand, that I am a lost cause, then why do you still care about me so much?

    Maybe we’ll fall flat on our asses, but the thought of what it could be is amazing and I would take that leap with you. We are two different people, but our lives are connected whether you like it or not.

    You assume that I will never understand how you think, that I am on a completely different wave-link altogether. This may be true. You and I are almost opposites. Is it really too late? Does fate win?
    I know now.

    I’ve never met such a perfect person for me.
    That’s exactly what is is about you…

    That’s what makes me love you.

    One Response to What is it?

    1. JSW
      August 13, 2011 at 6:03 pm

      Gee thanks for rewriting my letter! See: http://lettersillneversend.com/2010/11/21/what-is-it-about-you/

      Next time USE YOUR OWN WORDS….
      Seriously, thats just rude.

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