tonight, i went for a drive. in upstate new york the lights are not as bright as they are here. sometimes it’s the simplicity i crave. the stars are actually visible and the trees can either serve as an ominous shadow or a comforting shelter from the chaos of the outside world, depending on mood. my car moved forward but the headlights could only illuminate so much of the road before me. what laid in front of me was uncertain. yet i drove on to my destination: home. hoping i’d see you tonight.
i’m beginning to think that the shift from youth to adulthood is solely dependant on a shift in desire. young people, or those who are young at heart, are constantly dreaming. they’re always looking forward to the next new and exciting thing, taking risks, and doing what makes them happy in the moment. then one day things begin to change. reality sets in. they begin to think there is no chance that their dream will become their reality. here is where nostalgia is born. those who believe their dreams have been crushed hold onto what they think has been true, and try with all of their might to hold it close to their hearts for as long as they live.
i think at this time in my life i am stuck in limbo between these two stages. maybe we all are. my life in the past few months has been filled with more uncertainty and concern with my future than ever before. is it easier to try to forget the things you desire deep down inside? in theory maybe, but i really don’t believe it’s possible. every dreamer who gave up on their dream still wonders how it could have played out if they gave it a shot.
here is where i put matters into the hands of my dear friend fate. he is clearly among us.
i would not like to think of this as a goodbye, because i don’t think life works that way. maybe right now isn’t our time, but all of the chance occurrences have made me believe you were put into my life for a reason. i’m not going to force myself to stop thinking about you, and i really hope you don’t forget about me. even if you don’t want to be a part of my life.
i will always remember that humid summer evening, our short-lived walk and the uncanny joke your girlfriend made about the two of us. the rest is history. if it’s in the cards for us then it will happen. and until then, i’ll be wondering.