• I wish i could hate you

    by  • July 13, 2011 • Parents • 0 Comments

    I want to hate you for what you did to me. But for some reason I just can’t. I wish I could just stop caring and say fuck you like everyone tells me to. I wish I could push aside my emotions and potential guilt long enough to say what I need to say to you, instead of letting you do this shit to me. You can’t walk all over people like you have been, especially not your own daughter. I know you’re hurt since the divorce, and you have every right to freak out and not know who you are. But for you to guilt trip me for deciding to live with my dad, trying to put me against him, and taking out your anger and hurt on me is never understandable. I’m just a kid, mom. I didn’t do anything wrong. I made the best choice for me by leaving that city and living with dad. I want you to understand that, I want you to be happy that your daughter loves her life here and is more happy than I’ve ever been. Or at least I was, before you ruined everything for me.

    I was so happy with my life, and everyone in it. But you’re ruining everything for me mom. The whole family is worried about me, and the worst part is that no one knows what to do for me, because none of us have ever had to go through this, and no one knows how to handle it. I feel so guilty for having everyone worry about me. And even worse, because it’s all because of you. My own mother. Thanks for that.

    Even worse, there’s lots of people in my life that would love to just punch you in the face, or worse for what you’re doing to me. MY OWN MOTHER. No one should ever have to worry about these things from their mom. Especially you, I used to think you were the strongest person I knew. That’s funny now. You’re so weak and pathetic it’s ridiculous. Just stop dragging me down with you. I can’t handle it. I’m just a kid, with my own problems that I don’t know how to handle. I don’t need to deal with your problems too. Not that I know how, but I need you to stop trying to make me. I can’t. Let me be a 17 year old girl and enjoy my wonderful life. Leave me alone until you figure out how horrible you’ve been to me, and learn how to cope differently. Get out of my head, stop killing me on the inside and making my life hell. I want to enjoy the wonderful people in my life, and the awesome life I have here. If you loved me, you would understand that and stop dragging me down.

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