I met him on accident, and he didn’t make much of an impression. For six months we worked together in a theatre; I was acting and he was managing the production. We didn’t speak much, but we were friendly to each other when we did. I didn’t claim to know him, and I didn’t have any real interest in trying to get to know him. Then, everything changed. He called me one night, drunk and raving, and I listened to him from midnight until 4 am. He was breaking up with his girlfriend of many years, and everything in his life seemed to be going wrong. I listened, and for the first time he seemed like a real person to me. I became invested in him somehow. Before he hung up he told me I was his “best friend.” I ignored it; only the crazed words of a drunk, but the next morning when I saw him again, his mind had not changed. We were still, somehow, best friends. And it felt so nice that I didn’t question it.
I called you “little brother” and you were my very best friend. We did everything together, and I loved you. Not in a romantic way, I just loved you. It was gentle and pure and protective. I couldn’t fathom losing you.
Four months later you kissed me. It was passionate and deep and beautiful. It felt so right to be with you, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. We were quite the scandal for a while, but it didn’t matter, I didn’t care what people thought about me; I had you, and only your thoughts mattered.
I began to prepare myself to love you for the rest of my life. Maybe thats sounds incredibly silly in retrospect, but I did love you. I never wanted to live without you. And then she came along. She was beautiful and funny; she had this “charm” that made everyone love her. All of a sudden, there was a new star in the theatre, and I was becoming obsolete.
I didn’t notice it at first, the way you would look at her. She and I even became friends. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to have the two of you in my life.
And then it happened. That phone call. “I would rather be your best friend than your lover.” That was okay, as long as you were still in my life everything was okay. Until I learned the reason for your leaving. It was her. Her charm and her seduction. “I’m not comfortable with the relationship between you two,” she said. “I feel left out of the friendship.” You threw me away for her. I thought she was my friend.
Now you follow her around like a puppy, and she toys with you. You’ll never get her, she’s just playing her games. She’s admitted it, that it’s only a game, and still you chase her.
I would have been your everything. I would have done anything for you. I loved you so much. I still love you so much that I physically ache without your presence. Your absence in my life kills me, sometimes I can’t remember how to breathe. I need you so badly. Please come home to me. I will never give up on you. I will always love you, my sweet little brother, my dearest friend.