My best friend and I have a HUGE crush on you. And. it. SUCKS. I know you like her a lot more than you like me, mostly because I’m not as pretty as she is, I’m chubby, and more of “one of the guys”. You couldn’t throw me over your shoulder or hold me in your arms, because we’re the same size…but she’s short and petite and I’m tall and thick.
I haven’t known you very long, but I know so much about you. You love to play truth, you hate when people talk about themselves, you love where you live, and love personal space. You play with your ears without realizing what you’re doing. You’re competitive, and excel in sports. You play football and wrestle, but you’re not very good at ping pong.
The sound of your laugh is beautiful, and you told me that you love that I’m so unafraid to be myself. I like how I act around you too. You are the first guy I’ve ever felt brave and comfortable enough around to be myself. For as long as I can remember, I’d had to put up this “girly-girl-sweetheart” act. But with you, I can tell you what I really think. And I love it. I love everything about you. Your eyes, your smile. I think about you maybe a little too often. and about how happy I am around you.
I wish I had the courage to tell you everything. That our little game of truth was really truthful and not half-truths. I wish i could tell you about the scars on my arms and legs. Or about all those nights I thought about dying. I’m so afraid i’ll frighten you. But I want you to know everything about me, and I want to know every single thing there is to know about you.
You’ll never read this, I hope, but I need to get this off my chest. It’s so hard to feel so much and not be able to tell anyone. If i told my best friend, it’d hurt her, like it hurts me every time she tells me how you called her pretty. One day, I’ll be pretty too.
I wake up at 8 to run, then train for an hour later that day. I hope when we see each other at the end of this summer, you’ll see a whole new beautiful person. I never thought I was attractive, but since I met you, I want to change how I look and be healthy. I feel pretty when I’m around you. You’re going to see me at the end of the summer and be totally stunned. I hope.
Afton, I’m falling for you. And no one can know.