I know I said things that pissed people off. What I don’t get is how people are allowed to record you in the most itimate way possible, and somehow you as the person having it happen to you is blamed. Did I lie? I thought it was true. Did you lie, damn fucking right! You set it up, but I have to pay for it. I have to pay for it with my money. I have to pay for it with with my sanity. I have to pay for it with my job prospects. Do you know what it feels like to have EVERYONE IN THE COUNTRY laughing at you, throwing your words, your resume words, your bathroom activities, EVERYTHING in your face, telling you, YOU are the cause of all this. Fuck that. I wanted to leave the bullshit behind. I didn’t want it in my present. My best friend is even in on this bullshit.
So what? Are you waiting for me to kill myself? Are you waiting for me to jump off a bridge? Are you waiting for all my dreams to crumble? What the fuck do you want? What payment do I have to give? What thing do I have to do? I will do it. I will say it. I will construct a fucking building if I can have my references, my life, my privacy, the right to hold a job and go to school. I am not a monster, but I am being treated like one. I am not dishonest, but I am being treated that way. I have been lied to for YEARS and now I am getting blamed for it?
Fuck that. Fucking tell me. I am tired of being lied to. I am tired of being laughed at. Just get it fucking over with. Fucking stop the games. Stop the bullshit. I would prefer to be shot done or punched or whatever it is that is coming. Just fucking do IT NOW.
I can’t say this because even my grandmother is laying. I think I know who is behind this. That idiot is going to freaking pay…asshole.