I don’t know where to begin. I’m surely confident though that I don’t understand you at all. I try my best to rationalize your decisions, but I just can’t figure it out. I don’t want to bluntly say it, but here it is: emotionally, you are very selfish. You have so drastically disconnected yourself from our family and it is devastating. I sometimes wonder how you sleep at night. You just sit in the basement of our house for years, almost as long as I can remember. You know, kids are pretty perceptive. I’ve sat and pondered since 5th grade when you and Mom would split up. That was almost 10 years ago. It’s been a long road, but I guess you two finally got there. It’s what I’ve wanted I will admit. I always thought my Mom deserved someone more loving and compassionate. But I also secretly hoped you would magically change to be this happy and optimistic man that actually cared enough to mend his problems with his own wife. You never treated her the way I always wished. You seemed so cold and distant. I never understood that. The memories I have with you are overshadowed by how miserable you always looked. You slowly started disappearing out of my life when you created your own elsewhere. I get it, change is good. But don’t leave the ones that love you behind.
What you have done to my own Mother is unforgivable. Let’s just say, our house is not filled with sound proof walls. I know the way you talk to her, it’s so degrading. And I hope every day that if I ever get married that my husband is nothing like you. And if you think for a second that I am at all happy that you two are splitting up you are dead wrong. It has been miserable to watch you two argue over the years, but it is equally miserable knowing the two people on the earth that brought me here hate each other. From my perspective, you gave up on everything. You just quit. I’m sure there are many things I don’t know that went on between you two, but she did you know wrong. She is the most loving and caring person I know and one day I hope you will look at her in a different light. I admire her and I wish her so much happiness.
I watch you walk around and it’s like your mind is disconnected from your body. Good ole’ life is sucking the life out of you. The person you once were. I never really knew him, but I know he is still there somewhere.
I can’t sleep at night because of how broken my heart feels sometimes. I feel like I have been robbed out of sanity itself. All I do is walk around and drive myself crazy because I don’t understand. I don’t understand why you hate my Mom. It’s the bottom line, and what it comes down to. I think about what you go around saying to people, your own mother, your old friends, your new friends. I feel like I don’t even trust you anymore. You make plans without telling us. I’ve been lied to. You put blame on other people. I wonder what it’s like to be on the other side, where you consciously are making these decisions that are hurting others around you.
I’ve been reading a lot lately, that a person has to decide to be happy. It’s a choice, not something that falls out of the sky and just becomes you. So, from now on I choose to be happy. I hope you do too.
– Your child.