I’m sitting here holding back tears as I write this. I just can’t believe it. Over 6 years we were together. We were best friends. We loved each other. What went so wrong in those final days that led you to do what you did? I just don’t understand. Why would you cheat? You’ve said you’ve always been so against that.
I was going to move all the way across the country so we would never have to spend any time apart. We were meant to be getting married, spending our lives together. I am so hurt and it just doesn’t make sense. I’ve never felt like this before; so numb inside. I can’t eat without throwing up…imagining you with someone else. Laying there, holding someone else. Kissing someone else. Touching someone the way you touched me.
What hurts the most is that I couldn’t have done any more than I already have. I’ve supported you all through this army stuff; I went three months without seeing you so you could begin your career. I’ve spent weeks without speaking to you while you’re out on exercises. I’ve called and written and I’ve seen you at every chance I’ve had. Distance sucks, but all you had to wait was 12 more weeks, until I finished my degree… but you couldn’t and I’ll never know why.
You repaid me by disrespecting me more than I’ve ever deserved. You didn’t want a second chance, to even talk in person and you broke up with me via a text message. A text message? Really? And you asked if we could be ‘civil’ to one another?
I don’t know how to move on. I am going to miss what we had too much. I can’t make sense of any of this and you won’t even speak to me. I am dying inside. I wish I could hate you, I hate this. I hate what you’ve done to me. I hate the lies and I hate how I’ve been treated. I wish you would read this and understand, but you never will and I’ll never know why you did what you did to me.
The worst part of all this is that I still love you T and I don’t think that will ever change…