It’s been almost a year since I’ve seen you last. I still wonder if you think about me (yes you’ve told me that, but you’ve never really told me your feelings.) I always knew it was going to end up pain, but I hoped and truly thought that you could overcome it with me by your side. I loved you, in that I would marry you for forever kind of way, I was willing to let myself fall in love with you because for whatever strange reasons there are out there, you made me feel like the most powerful woman in the world. You never made me feel ashamed, in fact you pushed me to be more confident. What you see now, is it rose-colored glasses where you’re lamenting the past, or do you really truly care?
I can’t ask you these questions because you’ll think I still care, which I do, I always will, but I’m not in love with you anymore. I moved on and found someone who won’t hurt me ever, even if I hurt him. What I could never understand is why?
Why could you never tell me your feelings for me?
Why could you hide behind your bravado but drop hints that you still care and might even love me?
Why were you willing to hurt me?
Why did you hurt me?
Do you still play the what-if game.
What if you’d pulled me into your arms and never let me go?
What if you’d followed me home and fought for me?
What if you never let me fall but saved me?
What if you’d seen that I was more than willing to be with you through it all, would you do it again?
What if you just admitted you’d made a mistake and asked me to take you back?
What if we’re just playing this game forever?
You and I both know the feeling between us, it’s more than just friendly banter, it’s the chemistry that never died, it’s the heat and flush that always gets the best of us, it’s the smile that comes to our faces when we talk, it’s something that you’ll never understand because you want to shut the world out.
I think one day you’ll see that I was the one who got away (do not think I’m being cocky in the least) because I loved you from the first kiss, and flaws are something I always accepted without pause.
I wish you the best and eventually you finding someone who becomes more than just a warm body beside you at night.