• To my First Love

    by  • July 11, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Goodbye • 0 Comments

    Dear Danny:

    You were and always will be the love of my life. We spent an amazing year together and I fell harder than I thought I ever would. I trusted you with everything and time after time we would fight and make up, only on my end I always felt guilty. I should have never started those fights some of them were unnecessary.

    You wronged me. You took my entire being all of my trust and lied to me. I will NEVER forget the night that you left me your phone so I could set an alarm in the morning to wake up for my final. I went though your text messages I blamed it on Molly, But it was really me. I will never forget that her name was Jenny and you had been flirting with her every night while I was sleeping and You were in my room playing the ps2 I got you for your birthday. Or when you couldn’t take the LSAT Because you literally drove yourself mad and made yourself terribly ill. Do you know how bad I felt for leaving you to go to class and go to work. I didn’t have a choice and even when I got back the first thing I would do was make you soup and check on you. And yet you repay me by flirting with her while you were laying in my bed in my dorm room.

    People say love is stupid, and perhaps they are right. I will never forget how you promised me we could watch movies together and celebrate your birthday. You stood me up that night. You said “I’ll be there soon” and yet until 3am you kept me waiting, and when you finally came you got pissed because I was upset that you lied to me.

    I wish I could forget everything that you ever said and did to me, but I can’t seem to do that. Maybe it is because you were my first love and maybe it is because that love was never returned. Maybe, just maybe you loved me, I like to make myself believe that you did, but I have no evidence of your love.

    I remember watching Coraline in my room one night and you made me promise to you that I would never let you be a father like that father was, this however is a promise I don’t think I can keep. Like many of the things you told me, I am falling out on my word. I can’t keep holding on to this impossible memory of you. I won’t do it.

    on July 3rd I was lying in bed and suddenly my mind went to you and I remembered that it was the first night that I had ever told you I loved you. You however didn’t feel the same. You tried to make me feel better but that was only the beginning of you breaking my heart. I didn’t say it again for a while, I didn’t want the rejection that you had already given me once so I avoided it and kept my feelings inside. I used to lay in your arms wishing that you would say it, just once tell me you loved me. Maybe you regret this too. You were 4 years older than me I thought you would be ready for love and could handle the distance that we were about to face. I never told you, but I had filled out my transcripts to apply to northern. I was going to tell you as soon as I had gotten in that I was just declaring accounting and was going to be with you wherever you were. I longed to follow you when you left Western.

    It may sound like I am rambling however, I am writing and thinking about all our memories for the last time. I hate to say it, but this is it for now. This letter is all we have. I have got to let go and move on. I have a boy waiting for me to be ready to be with him. He told me he would wait as long as I needed but I don’t want to keep him waiting. I want to be ready to be happy again. So I guess what I am trying to say is goodbye Dan. You will always be my DG 🙂
    Love Always
    Meagan Marie

    Leave a Reply