My heart hurts. I didn’t think it would hurt so much. I only knew you for 4 months, but it was a feeling like i never experienced in meeting a new person. We hung out all the time, chatted every day. However, I was just as excited as i was afraid. My fear came from our compatibility, how i felt in my heart. I thought you were my soulmate. I tend to get frightened when things go well. You were also in pain, and i thought when you healed your wounds you would flee. You did, but i know that i contributed to that. I allowed my fear to take over me, and i became needy, and worried, and withholding. I felt so close to you, and you me, but you are someone who embraces the risk that it involves, and i am someone who trembles in front of it. I did ridiculous things, awkward things. I saw my self-sabotaging ways push you further and further away. I thought i would be okay if it faded, and i was far from right. It was awful for me, yet a relief for you. I only see how you are from your posts, what a sad climax to a poor and slow decline. I should not have been so difficult to makes friends with someone. It is not to be so hard. I understand me now more, and why i am so afraid. I have witnessed the shame i have, that halts me from being open. I have eradicated that, and now i am so much closer to myself-more than i have ever been. I can’t even imagine how you must view me, i shudder that you saw me unravel! I unraveled right in front of you.
We have not spoken in nearly 3 months, have not seen each other in 4. It is way over, yet the effects continue to evolve. Now, finally they are something brighter.