Dear “I want to always be your friend”,
When you ended things a few months back, you said “but this doesn’t mean I will stop being your friend. I want to always be your friend.” We both knew you weren’t over *her*. Your “first love”. You wanted time, and then maybe we would try again. It hurt. I had fallen so hard for you, and given up so much for you. But you didn’t care. Then within 3 days you went off to try and kiss the girl that had your entire school convinced you were dating. And then you told me all about it. I didn’t think it was possible to actually HEAR my heart break, but I swear I did. It was a crisp shattering.
I had to take time of course, so that I could be around you without biting back the tears. And when I got to that point, I realized that, still, after all you did, I STILL miss you. I tell myself I don’t, so that maybe, one day, I won’t.
I even dated a different guy. He ended things the same way as you though. There was another girl that he just couldn’t get over, even though she cheated on him. He said he wanted to stay friends, and I did too. He left. Just Like you have now.
I don’t think you understand. And that’s ok.That it why I’m going to explain it for you. EVERY SINGLE person in my life who has told me “I want to be your friend”, or “I will stay,” hasn’t. every single one of them has left. Gotten bored and simply stopped trying to contact me at all. I reach out, call, email, text, even talk to them. They never respond. I was so sure though that you would be different. That you would keep your word. I mean, you live right next to me, how could you not stay my friend? But you have left too. You don’t often reply to my texts. You only call when you aren’t hanging out with anyone else. Or if you are bored. You make more of an effort to get together with *her* than me….
She is the one who treated you like shit for 2 years. Being both physically and verbally abusive to you. She was such a horrible influence on you. I would always find myself wondering, “how is it that even after she has done ALL of that, he still would rather be with her than me”, even while we were dating. So now, even though you said you would always be my friend, you aren’t there, you are with her. And that hurts me more than you will ever truly understand.
I mean, on those nights when I go drive to the top of a hill to watch the stars alone, I find that the view from that hill, and the stars, are the only things reminding me why I’m even alive. You aren’t there anymore, and I need to learn to accept that.
“always your friend”