I still think about you every day. I still can’t listen to any of those songs we used to listen to. Hell, even the songs I listened to in order to forget the songs we listened to make me cringe now. I want to be so far from ever hearing or seeing you that in the rare event that I do see you somewhere down the line I won’t recognize you anymore. But we both know that can’t happen.
I always woneder what would happen if I saw you again, even in passing. I feel that my gut reaction would be to swing as hard as I can at your head so that I could not only inflict pain on you, but shake around your brain so that it might get rewired. Because God knows you can’t keep doing what you do to women. Sucking them in, promising “forever” then jumping to the next one like they’re nothing. My number in line? 8.
But then again, the other part of me wonders if I would catch eye contact with you and we would suddenly start talking like we used to. I’d want to show you how I’ve changed, how strong I’ve gotten in the past 6 months.
That part is very, very insignificantly small though. I’m not stupid enough to believe your smoke and mirrors anymore.
I hope you end up alone. And I hope I’ll be able to love again. Unconditionally, whole-heartedly, and without boundaries created from mistrust and fear.
Not your’s, not anyone’s,