• I’m sorry

    by  • July 11, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Guilt • 0 Comments

    Dear Baby,

    I wonder who you would be today. if you would have been a boy or a girl. if you would look like me or your dad. You would have been born in January, i wonder if you would have been born close to your dad’s birthday. i wonder if i would have still graduated high school or if me and you dad would still be together.

    today you would have been one and a half. you would been walking and talking by now. You would have kept me up endless nights, but i know i would love you so much. i wonder if you dad’s mom would approve of me then, she always wanted a grandchild. I wonder how long my dad would have stayed mad at me or if my step mom my would have kicked me out.

    In that summer i was taken some summer course to keep my 4.0 GPA and help me have a head start on college even though i was about to be a junior in high school. me and your father were complete happy and 110 percent in love. I had went up to my dorm room after lunch to switch books and call my sister. i started to have horrid cramps but i was four almost five months late. Me and your father thought we were pregnant from a positve pregnancy test and that weekend we were going to go to the doctors to see if i was for sure. the cramps ended up VERY badly.

    the next couple of days were a blur of pain and crying. my floor counselor asked me if i was expecting because she had had a miscarriage before. i just told her it was a bad period.

    that weekend i went to your dad’s and we took a test instead…it came back negative and we both cried. i have never felt so empty before in my life. i don’t understand why i couldn’t have you, i understand i was so young but you didn’t even get the chance to live.

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