• Poisoned

    by  • July 10, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Moving On • 0 Comments

    I used to miss you. I used to ask myself what I did wrong, what I could have changed, what would have happened if we had stayed in fairytaleland.

    I don’t anymore.

    What I missed the most were the memories: the times when you actually cared about me, told me I was beautiful, said that we’d be together through everything. When we became tangled up in our own lives, you said you didn’t want us to drift apart. But all the while, you were pulling away until I didn’t know where we stood. You stopped caring about me and my life and my feelings and became wrapped up in your own. You never opened up to me, never trusted me, never let ME comfort YOU.

    You said you weren’t ready for a relationship. I cried and begged and pleaded and tried to convince you that we could fix everything if we only took the time. But you didn’t care enough to find out.

    Now, I agree. You can’t handle me. You can’t handle having to care about someone other than yourself because you don’t know how, even though I tried and tried to teach you.

    I hated myself. I hated feeling so weak, so dependent. I’ve wasted far too many tears over you. I hated caring about you, always always always thinking about you whether I wanted to or not. I hated feeling like I had to change myself for you, that I wasn’t good enough for you, that the reason you didn’t care was because something was wrong with me. I hated needing you.

    I don’t need you anymore. You never expected me to, but I’ve moved on. You don’t have control over what I say or do. You took me for granted, tossed me around like a piece of trash, used me until you got tired of me. I’m better than that. I’m better than you. Because I will rise up and make my way in this world while you sit back and wait for the world to stop for you. Well, guess what? It won’t. Life will go on, and I’m gonna leave you behind. I don’t care what you think of me anymore. Sure, you can tell all your friends about our stories and that I’m a crazy emotional bitch, but I couldn’t care less. I know who I am, flaws and all, and I know that there are people who love me for who I am. And I don’t need to change myself for anyone, let alone you.

    You poisoned me. But I came out stronger.

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