• I want to stand up. I want to let go.

    by  • July 10, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Lost Love • 0 Comments

    You know… I am a sick person. And this is a stupid “letter” to you. You are the biggest asshole I have ever known. You push me around and manipulate me and tear apart the things I love. I wonder if you do it on purpose. Today you yanked another string. You were a jerk yet again. You said something rude… What do you except me to say when you say those sort of things? If only you knew… If you knew that yesterday I wrote you an actual letter complete with illustrations and things I love about you…If you knew that today I soaked my pillow crying because I felt empty…If only you knew how much you’ve affected me saying things about my grades and looks, etc. And you want to know the most sick and twisted thing? I still cling to evey piece of you. I still always find the good in that mess of just…bad. I love you. Forgive me though… I’m just being too forward. Too naive. I guess I took the book of you and I out of context. I assumed that with all it’s chapters, it’s secret languages, it’s well written verses and the occasional suggestive content that we had written something as timeless as the bible. But that’s just the immature melodramtic (it’s spelled ‘melo’ not ‘mello’ you dumbass) 15 year old’s thinking. You are very arrogant. I am soft and sweet and never wavering yet you choose to give me reason to loathe you. People look at me like I’m insane for ever sticking by you and they’re right! I am insane. Especially with you. Though you often give me reason to believe I’m nothing to you… you do give me the occasional reason to believe that you do care and I hold fast to that… in vain. If you really cared about me…really loved me…I would not have to seek out the reasons you care nor would I have to always justify in my mind the reasons I stay so near to you. If you want me you’ll do something about it because I’m no longer your puppet. You’ve taken so much from me and up until this point I’ve been willing to give! Not anymore, unless the ebb and flow of give and take is equal. Stop hurting. Start loving. You stupid, stupid person.

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