• You’re Not Here

    by  • July 9, 2011 • Friends • 0 Comments

    Dear Best Friend,

    Where were you?

    Yes, yes you’re my best friend. For the past thirteen years, and that’ll never change. But for the past three months, where were you?

    You can’t come back acting as if everything is the same. We’re no longer children; we all have our own schedules. I know. But you can’t come back three months later saying our friendship changed. You’re not allowed to say you miss me. I’ve grown up the past nineteen years alone, and I can handle another nineteen. We both know that. But I’m hurting…and when I needed my best friend the most, you disappeared. You never called; you never texted. You left.

    Now three months later, you want to know how I’ve been doing. I work out every morning hoping the endorphins will suppress the pain. I keep myself busy so I don’t have the time to think. I’ve been building myself so when the worst comes, I will never need someone to depend or lean on. Do you want to know how I was the past three months? Alex died. Suicide. Where was I when it happened? In his room, where he was. I left minutes before it happened. So you want to know how I’ve been since you’ve been busy with your other friends? I’ve been alone. You chose not to contact me. You had the time, you had the chance.

    You’re not allowed to ask how I’ve been, you’re not allowed to ask how I am. What I want to ask is, where were you? The past month, I went to the cemetery four times. For four different people. So, where were you? Where was my best friend when I needed her the most? Let me answer that for you. You were out at parties, drinking and hooking up with boys. You were watching movies and getting dinner with your friends on nights I called for your company. You weren’t here. Seriously, where the fuck were you? I hate to admit it, but I really needed you.. bad.

    Always here,
    Your best friend.

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