by  • July 9, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Lost Love • 0 Comments

    The moment you came to me, I saw a friendship. I never expected a love story with you. I never expected three forever lasting years of endless sleep, daily thoughts, and numerous emotional breakdowns. It doesn’t cross my mind how a fourteen year girl could commit one of the biggest sins. Me fourteen you twenty-three, after repeated phone conversations, I accepted your offer to hangout. Began with an unexpected kiss and turned into a passionate affair. Your wife had no idea of all those days and nights you spent with me. I was never taught the meaning of love, I guess we all learn love through experience. I still til this day wonder was this love? is love experienced at the age of fourteen? is love born within an affair? Is love supposed to be a secret from society and all those you trust, and wish shared your happiness? When this secret broke , I somehow became the victim and only guilty one. I was no longer the young innocent girl in the public eye. You distanced yourself from me……… you wanted all the rumors to end you wanted to make the rumors as fake as you are with your wife. Those rumors were not fake, only you are. It hurts that you would deny me, you’re the only guy in my eighteen years of existence that I’ve begged for, the only man. You would never leave your wife or two kids. I was young and thought the world only revolved around me. Now, I realize how cold-hearted you are. As time went by I found out I’m not the only affair you had, you had too many to even count with my fingers. It hurts how you would tell me about them, it hurts how you told she was pregnant just out of the blue. Did you really think it wouldn’t bother me? did you really think I would cry? Til this day I still think about you. Til this day I still sit in my room at night crying over you. You’re home in bed with your wife and new born daughter and your son emerson in the room next door. You’re a happy family, and I am….an eighteen year old girl, recently out of high school. I can’t take a guy serious, I always let lust get the best of me, I push guys away. I’m scared to fall in love again. I would always hear of how beautiful love is, yet I feel I never saw the beauty of love. But i would and will always call you my first love.

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