You are the love of my life. I want to be with you every waking moment for the rest of my eternity. Every time I look at you, I see hope, beauty, and a future with you in it. I know that we have only been together a short while, but you are my world.
And I know that I am your’s. You tell me everyday how much you love me, how much you want to spend the rest of your life with me. How much I mean to you and how I bring out the depths of you that you didn’t even know that you could reach. You tell me about our future. About the children we will have. About the house we will live in. About the careers that we will both love.
We have started a life together. We have moved away from our friends, family, and loved ones. We left our jobs and lives behind to venture out into the world with each other. It has been a constant struggle these past few months, but I couldn’t ask for a better partner to go through it with. You have been supportive, taking care of both of us when I couldn’t. You have been my sole companion, and for that I am thankful.
And as I lay here, across the room from you in the home that we share, I realize that that is exactly why I can’t be with you right now. Not because I don’t love you, but because I love you.
I’m scared. Scared of loosing you and scared of being with you. Scared of planning a future that will just fall apart as we begin to grasp it. I’m scared to start this life together.
I’m not ready for this. I’m not ready to give myself to someone for the rest of my days. I want to explore still. I want to see things, do things, meet people, fall in and out of love more times than I can count. I want to hurt and be hurt. I want to feel pain, anguish, happiness, and contentment. And I know that if I stay here, I will only become more lost in you.
Tonight I realize why I have been so off the past three weeks. You’ve noticed it and so have I. Things haven’t been right lately and I couldn’t figure out why. Now I know. It’s because you are my soul-mate. My better half. You fill every void that has ever been left in my heart by everyone who has hurt me in my life.
I love you more than words can possibly explain. Every fiber in me is drawn to you like a moth to a flame. We are polar opposites in ever aspect; personality, looks, desires, even in what we want to be when we grow up (although neither of us really want to grow up anyways). But I can’t stay with you right now. So how do I explain this to you?