• Sometimes I like to be a bitch

    by  • July 8, 2011 • Goodbye • 0 Comments

    I have so much to say to you… I don’t even know where to begin. I doubt you even care, but I have to get this off my chest. I need some closure. I spent so much time and effort trying to please you. I would stay up later than I wanted to, to skype with you for hours on school nights. I’d listen to you get mad, and yell at me for talking to other guys, even though you were the one who never wanted to make things official between us. You were so foolish to not make me yours… so many guys would have loved a chance to have been in your shoes, but my attention was always on you. I would deal with your stupid anger spells, yet I would bite my tongue more than I would have liked to, because I never wanted to fight with you. We’d stop talking for weeks after some pointless fight, only for me to forgive you as soon as you apologized. I would come over when you wanted me to, even if I didn’t want to be around you just to give you what you wanted. I tried to fix what never had a chance of being fixed. Tried to mend what was broken beyond the point of repair. I attempted to put back the pieces by myself, because you would never help me do so. I was always the “bad guy” though. Why did I even try? Why did I even bother to forgive you time after time? I thought I was always in the wrong… I blamed myself. I let you walk all over me every single time. I gave you what you wanted, and got nothing in return. What did I gain from that? Let down after let down. Constant confusion and hurt. And here I am now, without you. But I’ve finally got you figured out this time. You never cared, and you never will. And I’m finally learning. I’m not waiting on you to get your act together anymore. I think seven months is far too much waiting. I’m too beautiful of a girl to waste another minute waiting on your ass. And when I look back on everything all you had going for you was your looks. You were hot… but you were also the most insecure, hypocritical, controlling, little momma’s boy I have ever met in my life. All you are is a tool, who cares about nothing other than your self image. You live your life, worrying about what other people think of you. What a sad way to live. But it feels good to be able to breathe on my own again though. It feels good to break free of your grip. It feels good to go on a date with someone who has potential, and who treats me the way I deserve. Even though they aren’t you, with time I know it will get easier. I know I will finally find someone who’s as real as I am. That’s why I don’t let it get me down… And I already know you’re going to wake up and miss me, one day soon… but that’s just too fucking bad. I’m already gone.
    Ps, the sex was awful.

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