I know you’ve had your heartbroken. I knew it before you ever told me. And let me tell you, I have too. not just by lovers, but by family and by friends and by myself, I have broken my own heart a million times worse than anyone ever could and I was left like a brainless little girl. And I’ve broken others’ hearts like a scheming bitch. And I’m not proud of any of this. And right before I met you I made a resolution with myself, and that resolution was to be alone because I knew I wasn’t ready and I knew when I was ready I wouldn’t be able to avoid love whether I liked it or not. and then I met you. and I tried to avoid you, I really did, I tried to stop things and I almost did. but i just couldn’t, there was something about you I couldn’t shake off. and you know what? you have shown me more about myself than I ever could have discovered on my own. Being with you has shown me what it feels like to care about someone. and ya know, I wouldn’t trade that for the world. But here’s the thing, this is all up to you. So i’m gonna go out on a limb here, and you might despise me for saying this, but given a 50/50 chance, I’m gonna go ahead and say you might love me, mainly because I am sure that you do. And if you do, damnit, don’t let me go. because if you tell me to leave I will be gone with the blink of an eye, and it won’t be for me. it will be for you. but if you want me to stay then stand the fuck up and tell me, show me. and I will not let you down. but you better as hell not do anything out of pity for me, don’t spare my feelings. because if there is anything I will not tolerate it is yet another relationship based on bullshit and built on nothing. and because if there’s anything I know it’s how to be alone and i will jump right back into that like I didn’t miss a beat. and I will hate it, I will hate every second of it. but I will do it, I promise you. so what it comes down is this, if you can’t bring yourself to make the commitment, to go the distance, then let me go know and we will both know it was for the better. but if you want me, if you need me, I am yours to keep. and that will never change.
i love you.