I haven’t really thought about you in months. I haven’t seen you in over a year. But, every time you manage to worm your way into my thoughts, I think about writing you this letter.
I don’t even know where to start. I guess I’ll work backwards. I found out. They told me. They told me what you did to her. That she thought it was her fault. That she thought she was alone. She thought that she was broken. It was my birthday when they told me. I spent 2 hours in the shower crying. I was angry, I was hurt, I was betrayed. I have spent 16 years thinking it was my fault. Thinking that I was alone. Thinking that I was broken.
How could you? You were the one person that was supposed to protect me, from every thing. The one person who was supposed to be there for me, and keep me safe. When I depended on you the most, you hurt me more than anyone ever has, and probably more than anyone will, ever again.
I want to ask her about it. I want to know how her life turned out. I want to know that she is happy. I know, in my heart, that you did not ruin her. My aunt is stronger than that. So am I.
The day I decided that I didn’t need you anymore was one of the most intense of my life. I cried for hours. When I was done, I looked in the mirror. I saw a different person. One who wasn’t living with this secret anymore. One who had made the hardest decision of her life, and was okay. One who knew she would be better off. One who was proud. One who was no longer afraid. One who was safer; stronger without you.
I haven’t looked back. I will never look back. I am happier without you.
I will never send you this letter. Not because I am afraid, but because you don’t need to see it. Because I hope some times you look back on what you did, what you have done, and feel the pain that we felt. Because after I write this, I don’t want to ever think about you again.
So, good-bye, Dad. Good-bye.