ok so its 3:10 in the morning. It’s been over a month since we have spoken, atually it has been a month and 3 weeks. And i thaught i was totally over you and then….BOOM Kansas “Carry on my Wayward son” comes on and i am right back to missing you like crazy. You sent me that song once, you probably don’t even remember but i said it was an awful song and you had bad taste in music and you said i could talk as i loved justin bieber and then we went on from there talking….like we always used to do. We said i was so easy to talk to and you were also so easy to talk too but i never told you. I opened put to you more than i opened up to anyone eles i have ever meet. Its like you and me were on the same wave lenght i just got you and you just got me.
Look i cant blame you for just leaving me. Like i mean we were friends, I always knew you wanted to be more then friends and to be honest i did too. I loved you conor, I know it sounds so crazy that we didnt even go out but and i loved you but i did. I atully no, I love you conor, i still love you. But i was too afraid of that people would think if i went out with you, i mean you arent the coolest person at all, but thats what i loved about you. I love your randomness and weridness and your laugh and your dancing (you jump so high when you are dancing…it’s crazy). I loved your hair when it was cut short like a navy man (it’s grown back now….its nice but i loved it when it was short)…wow i have totally gone off the point…like i always do. But i was awful too you…i hardly ever even when out in public with you. I mean i was a bitch. Horrible.
But it was my loss. I lost you.
And you were one of the best things that ever happened to me. When you first stoped talking to be i used too read over our facebook conversations ( i know its creepy but i missed you)but i looked through them again tonight…and i saw it…that you tried to get closer and i pushed you away…i was awful..no wonder you stoped talking to me. I would have too. But wow Conor do i reget it. And when you told me about your family life how hard it is..well the biggest reget of my life was how i handeled that…i cried when you tolde me it was that sad but i didnt even hug you!! And i know i could have help you conor…you could have help me…i had a chance to tell you there my dad died of cancer, your dad walked out…we could have got trough it together. But i didnt tell, i didnt do anything, i was awful to you and i am sooo sorry conor i reallly am. And i always will be sorry for that.
Conor i know you hate me and i know that you will never want to talk to me again but…i miss you so much. As much as i hate to admite it i think about you at least everyday. And i know that you have moved on. You have new friends even a girlfriend. Karen who is very nice and i know that she will treat you a whole lot better then i never treated you but the point is can we even be friends again? Please. I know its the last thing you want and i know you dont need me but god do i need you conor.
Infact you just texted me saying ” im not going to text any of u guys cause i wanna talk to my girlfriend! “…i am almost sure you have the wrong number but i want to text you back to say “em i think you have the wrong number :)” but it came over a day ago and i just turned on my phone there but i am too scared to send it in case you dont text back or whatever but i dont know if this is my chance it text you back and finally talk to you again?.
Well its now 3:40 in the morning and well conor….
I miss you
And i know all you want to do is talk to your girl-friend and hear from her but maybe…just maybe you might be able to make some time for me?
I miss you conor
All my love