I am beyond hopeful that if I write you this letter, I will finally be able to see the end of our story. It really was too short, and I find is so hard to believe that things were meant to end as they did. I have to have faith, though, that this is how it was meant to be.
The hardest thing for me to understand, to make sense of, is what was true and what was fiction. I fell in love with you before you came back, not the you since your return. I believed in YOU. I believed in US. I believed in things I had long since given up hope for. You wormed your way in, through the thick walls around my heart and soul. How did you do that? Why did I let you? Because I trusted you. Though it pains me to say, I must believe that everything between us was a lie. It is the only way I can make sense of your cold and callous words and actions, the way you discarded my feelings and my friendship like yesterday’s trash.
Your hurtful and hateful words and actions set forth a series of events like no other in my life. I have questioned everything I am, and everything I want to be, because of you. I have been through more in my life than most, not your fault. I am strong, I am a fighter, but you, you broke me. No one breaks me. Not ever. Your lies and deceits broke me, you broke my heart. So much so that I can’t ever imagine feeling whole again.
I’m sure you are meeting lovely new people; I am as well. But it just isn’t the same. It never will be. You awakened such a passion for love, for life, for the future in me–everything else will always pale in comparison. But it was all a lie.
See the problem? In one sentence I’m loving you, and in the other so full of anguish because you made me love a lie. This right here is the problem with dishonesty. Lies destroy more than the worst truth ever could. You know why? Because it causes people to question what is real and what is not. It’s a terribly confusing thing, the battle between the heart and the mind. The heart always loses. But you probably planned that, well done, I say.
Why couldn’t you have been honest? Why did you pick me to destroy? Is your life so hollow and empty you gain pleasure in the suffering of others? How can you call yourself a good Christian when you treat others with so little regard, without consideration or compassion?
I would like to say that I wish you well, and a part of me does. However, I more sincerely believe you will end up alone. Sure, you may find another sucker along the way to deceive with your make-believe fantasy, but at the end of the day, when it becomes real, you will always run. That’s what liars do.
Goodbye john, I hope you learn the value of truth and honesty, and what it means to be a good Christian. Goodbye.