• Color

    by  • July 8, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Heartbreak • 0 Comments

    You were what kept me going. Everything was black and white before I met you, and then I saw in color. You gave me hope. We became friends, and the more I learned about you the more my respect grew until it became something else. I spent four years looking at you from afar, worried that my darkest fear, a rift between us an end to our friendship, would come true. I have never even kissed a girl before, and I don’t want to be physical with you, I feel something far deeper than that. I feel like simply being around you makes me happy. I poured my heart and soul into that letter, I translated my feelings into words, and I prayed. I prayed to God, to the Universe, begging for at the very least we would remain friends.

    Now you never want to see me again. My nightmare became true. I thought that maybe, just maybe, our friendship would make up for everything. It would have made up for the premature birth, the brain bleed, the loss of my brother, the weeks I spent in the hospital on death’s door surrounded by myself and my thoughts, the scoliosis, the depression, the torment I suffered from those around me. I could have forgiven all of those misfortunes if I could be around you. You calmed the storm in my head.

    I begged and prayed so hard. And now you hate me. I don’t even have the courage to kill myself. The one time I came out of my shell and you hurt me so bad and I still love you and I still hope and beg and pray we can remain friends and maybe you’ll change your mind and be my friend again. I have so much respect for you, you were made me get out of bed in the morning.

    Now I’m alone. Alone with the negative thoughts in my head, telling me that this would have happened the whole time. Everything’s black and white again…

    The last words to me were to go to Jesus and that he’d bring me happiness and peace. If Jesus wasn’t willing to keep my deepest fears from coming true, then he doesn’t deserve my prayers.

    I can’t see the colors anymore…

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