• california is my nemisis

    by  • July 8, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Love - Pure and Simple • 0 Comments

    it’s not that you live 2,000 miles away, although that is certainly an issue…
    and it’s not that i don’t like you because, believe me, I do.
    It’s been a little over four years since i’ve last seen you.
    FOUR YEARS.
    so much has changed over that time.
    I want to see you.
    god, do i want to see you.
    sometimes i wish i had you right there by my side, no questions asked.
    but what if too much has changed?
    what if i’m not who you thought i am, who i used to be?
    What if you aren’t who i thought you were, who you used to be?
    What if you come and visit, like you say you will soon, and it just flat out does not work at all.
    Then what?
    or even worse,
    what if it works out perfectly
    and you have to go back to the other side of the country?
    and i won’t see you very often
    and i’ll feel just like i do now, except there will be a new longing on top of what currently exists.
    and what if i can’t handle that?
    what if it’s too painful?
    I don’t ever want to cry myself to sleep again.

    i miss you

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