• This time, I fell for a friend.

    by  • July 6, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Confession • 0 Comments

    Dear My Dear,

    It would seem that I’m in a bind. I’ve grown to like you and I’m not quite sure how to handle it. You see, I’ve liked people before, but this is so different. In the past, I would merely ignore these feelings and they would eventually pass. They never amounted to anything and I never had the desire to act on them. I liked it that way. Even if I might have had a chance with those boys, I didn’t want it enough to try. They were soon forgotten and life went on, but when it comes to you… my state of mind has become strange. It would probably be in my best interest to forget all about this, like I have before, but I don’t want to. It’s weird, really. I want these thoughts to grow. I want to get closer to you and learn everything about you. Please, don’t misunderstand though. I wouldn’t say that I’m in love with you. I wouldn’t call this “love”, but… I almost want it to be, I guess. How dangerous! The more time I spend with you, the more I come to adore you and the more I come to realize how absolutely hopeless this is. You see, I perceive you as the type of person who’s nice to everyone and I try desperately not to read into any of your actions directed toward me. As much as I want to be special to you, it’s better to face reality, right? It’s not your fault though. Your indiscriminate kindness is one of the many things that draws me toward you. I feel somewhat blessed to even be friends with you; at least I hope you consider me a friend. My pessimism gives me hell, but it keeps me safe. One of my greatest fears in telling you any of this is losing your friendship. I hold this small attachment I have to you very close to my heart, no matter how common or unimportant it may be to anyone else. I don’t want to be another one of the girls that may fawn over you, nothing but a girl with a crush. I cling to this friendship and I don’t want my forwardness to compromise it. That’s why I don’t plan on giving you this letter. At this point, that’s not a risk that I’m willing to take. What kills me the most is the irony of it all? I’ve never had any friendly relationship with the guys I’ve liked before. I never cared or was brave enough to confess, but if I had and was rejected, things would remain the same. Nothing was lost, but a bit of my confidence, and life would go on. But for you, there is just too much to lose. As far as I can see, there’s no way to return to a normal relationship after my confession. When you let me down easy (which I know you would) everything would become awkward and difficult. I know you have your heart set on another girl, and I know that my affections are futile, but I want them nonetheless. After a rejection, I’m almost sure that my feelings would fade, or they may fade on their own time no matter what I do. As hopeless as my whole situation is, it’s something that I’ve never experienced before. I’d like to hold onto it for a little while longer if that’s alright with you. I’m sorry that I can never actually tell you any of this. It’s pathetic, I know, but I’m sure you’d understand.

    Love, Your Friend

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